Waiting for Normal.

It is hard to believe it is September! I love the smell of Fall in the air. I love the cooler days and I love that my kids are back into routine.  The first week was a rough one for us. Trying to adjust me being home from the hospital and still being so sick and trying to get the routine of school down.  My kids were troopers.  They have been doing the dishes, the laundry and keeping the house, well semi-clean.... and staying up with their schoolwork. What an accomplishment.  We have missed Scott more than ever this week.  He has been going to school till 10 p.m. a lot the whole week so we don't get to see him until the weekends.  The one thing that I really enjoyed the first week, was being home and being able to sit down individually with each child and ask them about school and how they felt about life, etc.  It has been a good thing for me to scale way back and just get to the basics: Get me well and concentrate on the family.  The first week I was home, I was just so sick, couldn't eat, always in the bathroom. I came home at 120 lbs of mostly retaining water and by the end of the week I was 97 lbs. I just felt so out of whack and not myself.  I felt a little better Sunday Aug. 28th and felt my appetite coming back but Monday I went to see the doctor and they could see I wasn't do very well.  I found out this second week I was home that I got thrush which is on your tongue.  Food tasted way funny to me and that didn't help me trying to put weight back on.  So a turning point was when I got more medication to get rid of my thrush, and a pill for my thyroid which I will be taking for another six weeks before the re-evaluate and see if it something I need to stay on for the rest of my life. My mom, grandma and aunt all take medication for thyroid so it runs in the family.  I really hate weighing so less. I can't sit because I can feel my bony behind and it is just uncomfortable.  I am encouraged that I have been able to eat more since I finished my antibiotics and I'm on this new medication.  Food is no longer distasteful and I can enjoy it again! So my kids are jealous because I tell them to go do their jobs but my job is to eat.  They want to trade me jobs!  I think the biggest turning point for me was when my attitude changed from hopelessness to hope.  It was such a shot in the arm to get some help this week from my mom. with my boys and just being there helping me through my sickness. I feel like I can conquer this and get back to normal but it will just take time.  And that is what is hard.  I feel like I'm healing up but I'm still just soooo tired.  I go to one trip to the store and I am spent.  I will be so glad when I can do my "normal" things and just be me and not be tired.  Really I'm not complaining: so many people have it so much harder than I do.  It is just hard for me to be patient and wait for me to be all the way better. And I know it will happen....it is just so slow and it is a process...not a quick fix.  Meanwhile, I am just in awe of all the many people who have been so willing to serve me and help our family.  I feel so much love.  And I know soon that I will be back in the position where I will be serving others again too.  That is what this life is for, right. Helping and serving one another and when someone is down to help them up.  Meanwhile, I am resting, and eating and trying to have a good attitude and doing everything that I am supposed to be doing and that is helping me heal faster.  But I am still waiting for normal.