Hard morning

This morning was just one of those mornings.  I even got up a little earlier and read my scriptures and did a little meditating in the quiet hours before everyone was awake in hopes of that perfect day.  Then the rush of taking Kael to work, which entails loading little boys in their pajamas in the van and usually Kalli to school but not this morning.  I run to Kalli's room and she's in bed not feeling the best but okay enough to go to school. I say, "It's time to go!!" I ended up taking Kael to work and then coming home, picking up Kalli and taking her to school. So then, I carry the boys in the house and instruct them to please get dressed for school and have breakfast. We have less than hour and then we have to go.   After they have a bath, Aaron gets dressed but Ammon is having meltdown because he says he feels itchy. I rub lotion on him and try to help him get dressed but he decides he would rather sit on the floor and have a meltdown instead. So I leave him alone and help the other boys with their breakfast.  The clock is ticking.....I peek in on Ammon and warn him if he doesn't get dressed soon, he will miss breakfast. Soon, it is time to go to school and Ammon is still not dressed. I help him get his clothes on and he is crying that he can't have breakfast.. I feel bad but load the boys up in the van and we drive to school. The first bell rings and Aidan and Aaron get out of the van and run to class. Ammon has his arms folded and he is still mad that he missed breakfast. I tell him, you have two choices: You can go to school or you can drive home with me and spend the day in bed with no fun things to do all day. So he finally got out and started walking towards his trailer. I parked in a spot where i could see him walk to his class and I feel guilty for not walking him to class but not guilty enough to get out of the warm car on this cold morning.  Big brother Aidan spots him walking across the playground and wants to help him get to class.  Ammon is still in a very bad mood and doesn't want him to help. He stops walking and I see Aidan trying to pull his hand.  Of course they can't hear me in the car saying, Aidan just go to class! and I'm too far away to do anything about it.  The second bell rings.  Finally, I see the principal come out on the playground and he sees Ammon and Aidan.  Aidan turns and go to his class feeling rejected and very bad that his brother doesn't want his help.  The principal helps Ammon to his class while I feel like the worst mother in the world.  I should be out there helping him....I drive home, crying a little and then go into the quiet house.  No use sitting around being emotional....I move the kitchen table into the living room and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.  At least I had a productive morning. And at least tomorrow is a new day to try again.  Writing this, I feel guilty that I say I had a bad morning...boo hoo me.  My friend had to deal with a flooded basement when she woke up this morning. (so sorry Nancy!) That is a bad morning. I guess the trick is to remember that we all have different struggles and trials and we should do the best we can and not judge ourselves harshly.  I think we moms and maybe women in general are really good at feeling guilty and being hard on ourselves.  I need to look in the mirror and remind myself that I am a good mom and I'm trying the best I can. :-)